When Timothy Lubniewski stepped away from his position as General Manager at Rose Paving to care for his wife, KC, who is living with ALS, he joined millions of Americans who provide unpaid care to loved ones. But his experience also sheds light on a critical gap: the physical and emotional demands on family caregivers often go unrecognized, and that lack of recognition can have serious consequences for families and society.
According to AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving, tens of millions of Americans provide unpaid care to relatives and friends. That work includes transportation, personal care, household management, medical coordination, and emotional support. Yet the cumulative effect of these responsibilities—especially when combined with raising young children, as Lubniewski does with his two sons, ages six and five—can lead to burnout that accumulates gradually.
Lubniewski's own experience illustrates the challenge. "With our boys and everything that comes with caregiving, there are a few times every month when I realize I am completely burned out," he said. "At that point, I am not looking for a vacation. Sometimes I am just searching for a few hours of quiet so I can reset and come back ready to handle what needs to be done."
That admission matters because it challenges a common assumption that caregivers can simply push through. Lubniewski spent decades in business, where persistence and problem-solving were rewarded. But caregiving, he notes, does not follow a predictable schedule: meals still need to be made, children need attention, appointments must be managed. "There isn't really a point where you say the workday is over," he said. "You are a husband, a caregiver and a father at the same time."
The implications extend beyond individual families. When caregivers burn out, the entire family unit suffers. Lubniewski argues that supporting caregivers strengthens the person living with illness as well. That means families, employers, healthcare professionals, and communities should ask caregivers a simple question more often: What support do you need? And caregivers need permission to answer truthfully.
Asking for help can be especially hard for those accustomed to independence. Lubniewski, who started his first company at 23, said, "If you have spent your life being the person other people come to for answers, asking for help does not necessarily come naturally." He encourages friends and relatives to offer specific assistance—a meal, a school pickup, an errand—rather than a general offer, which can add another decision for someone already overwhelmed.
His experience has also reshaped his view of leadership. Long identified with servant leadership, Lubniewski now sees it differently at home: no titles, no performance reviews, just responsibility toward people who depend on you. "You can be completely committed to caring for somebody and still need somebody to care about how you are doing, too," he said.
For a society that relies heavily on unpaid family care, recognizing that hidden toll is not about portraying caregivers as victims. It is about ensuring they are supported enough to keep going—a point that Lubniewski's story makes urgently clear.
